Parents do not yell at the child!
What the child feels when he shout? To understand this better parents, psiholog Clinic « Mother and Child & raquo ;: Ekaterina Buslova carries with them a lesson. Parents are divided into pairs. One participant must stand and shout to the other for any concocted reason. Another participant sit or kneel down to be lower. Whoever below repeats only one sentence: « I'm a little, and I just wantto be loved & raquo ;. Somewhere on the third iteration of the parent who says it usually starts to cry, unable to stop. His embrace strong feelings often - memories from his own childhood. All members of this class recognize that in fact the first time deeply felt what he felt at that moment a child.After this exercise, screaming at the kid becomes virtually impossible ...
How do I stop screaming
Psychologists have long come up with many ways to deter or stop the shouting. From a simple "take a breath and count to ten" - a deep analysis of the causes of aggression in the individual.The problem is that when the cry halfway of the larynx, it is difficult to think of some alternatives and analyze anything. Still, it is worth at least make the effort. For example, when you, God forbid, a drowned man pulled from the water, then you are also not able to think of something. But at one point you realize that if you will not take himself in hand- The person will die. Then you collect will in a fist. You do everything you know: artificial respiration, heart massage, pour the water out of his mouth. All that may come to mind ... and saves man. Why not try to follow the same logic, when I want to scream at the child? To make at least some effort. Search methods. Anywhere: psychologists havegirlfriends on the Internet. Anything that can save your krovinochku the monster under the vest - all worth a try. And I tried. I look for alternatives. And she found.
Alternative cry of a child
- That evening, my almost 5-year-old son was too moody. All he did not like Naimenshaya detail brings tears. It happens, and every adult, not like in children. Narisovanna picture - not so, there is prepared - not. And in this spirit the whole evening. I tried to hold on. Long. And my nerves began to gradually give up. And so, the sons of another influx of whining and crying. I feel that I should stop it for his own sobstvennogof health, but I know only one way - to cry. Monster almost breaks free. I'm ready to cry. But then I say STOP. For a moment in my head fly thoughts: "The child does not deserve to cry just because he has a bad mood. Oa simply expresses emotions, without malice. I have to find a way ...". And then I remember that recently chitala of the tale as a means of influence on children's behavior. I'll try!
- Artemushka, I know of one tale ...
- My son is crying stops the flow of whining and sobbing, her eyes up at me with surprise and interest < br />
- What kind of a fairy tale?
- On mouse ...
- I'm starting to move on to invent a story about thyshku, which all did not like. She often cried and all repelled. And once there was a magician, and took from her mother, friends, leaving one as she wanted. Mouse felt alone and realized that all in vain drove away. Magician returned mom and friends and everything fell into place.
- While I was told to settle down and had a son, and me.
- Now I understand that my tales are many shortcomings in terms of psychology. For example, you can not scare the kid that his family abandoned. Because this is a manipulation game insecurity, the need for love. Experts in child-rearing warn that with fairy tales in general need to be careful to do no harm. Bettertrust in this matter to professionals. Do not, for example, openly compare the baby with the hero of a fairy tale, especially negative, and identify their actions. Renowned psychotherapist Bert Hellinger in one of his books writes about sensitivity in the application of the stories: « If we give the child advice « poking his nose » its problemsmu, it will feel like a loser & raquo ;.
- Of course, the next time I have to come up with a story carefully, taking into account the above nuances. However, pleased that Artemushke fable about the mouse liked, he even told it to others. And I was able to calm down. At that time it was my small victory. I think it's not badI have an alternative for every mom instead of screaming - it is better to come up with a story or remember right.
- The relationship with the child, like everything else in nature, have a causal relationship. It is appropriate to have questions:
- why the kid behaves?
- he wants to express his behavior?
- Maybe he has a lot of restrictions?
- little attention?
- When fix it, and will not need to shout. If the case - to my motherth mood or state of mind, it makes sense to work on a mother. However, work on yourself - it's a long process that can take years. During this time it is advisable not to bring the child to a neurosis or depression. Therefore, I often use the « instant » out of the situation. Among them, in addition to the above mentioned tale, there are still somee. For example, when my son was crying very much, I'm just trying to make him laugh. I told him something funny, make funny facial grimaces. Sometimes I warn you that I start to rave about. If he is crying to achieve something that is impossible, we are together looking for alternatives (such as: can not burn a fire - let's better polepim from clay, and so on. D.). Sometimes it helpedflushes just hug him. Sometimes it does not help anything. Then there is only one desire: to stop and do not look any further. For the happiness of the child.